I posted this five years ago, but it showed up on my Facebook news feed yesterday and it reminded me that parenting consists of small moments that are not so small . . .
It was late morning and I wanted to know of Bekah's progress through her independent work so that I could plan our next steps.
"Bekah, are you still working on your math?," I queried.
"Shh!," was her sharp response.
The tone seemed disrespectful. But I silently began to reason. She was working hard on a math problem. It was frustrating to be interrupted. I can appreciate the frustration of interrupted thought. It was just her first response. Surely she didn't mean to be disrespectful. It is such a small thing.
Then I felt the Lord's nudging, that this attitude needed to be corrected.
My thoughts turned. I want her to do what is right. It is "right" to honor parents. I don't want to turn my head and look away. It is better to correct an attitude before it has a chance to become a habit. It is my responsibility as a parent to train in righteousness, to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Do I want my Heavenly Father to correct me when I am wrong, for the good of my eternal soul? Do I want the same for Bekah?
I let Bekah finish her math lesson. Then I asked for her attention, and had her look me in the eyes. And I (gently, I hope) explained the idea of honor, that parents are not just "friends" and that I expect a respectful tone whenever she speaks to me or to her father. The whole exchange took less than a minute. No punishment was meted out, but there were tears in her eyes as she listened. I think that she understood, and I believe that she will think before she reacts in a dishonoring way in the future.
Why do I tell you all this? This story of a seemingly small offense, and the seemingly small addressing of that offense?
Because I believe that parenting is made of these seemingly small moments. The moments when we choose to either turn away, or face the issue. The moments when we decide what is important to teach. The moments when we look at the big picture, and know that a small thing affects that picture. The moments when we see our choices in light of eternity. The moments when we feel the nudgings from the Lord.
My thoughts turned. I want her to do what is right. It is "right" to honor parents. I don't want to turn my head and look away. It is better to correct an attitude before it has a chance to become a habit. It is my responsibility as a parent to train in righteousness, to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Do I want my Heavenly Father to correct me when I am wrong, for the good of my eternal soul? Do I want the same for Bekah?
I let Bekah finish her math lesson. Then I asked for her attention, and had her look me in the eyes. And I (gently, I hope) explained the idea of honor, that parents are not just "friends" and that I expect a respectful tone whenever she speaks to me or to her father. The whole exchange took less than a minute. No punishment was meted out, but there were tears in her eyes as she listened. I think that she understood, and I believe that she will think before she reacts in a dishonoring way in the future.
Why do I tell you all this? This story of a seemingly small offense, and the seemingly small addressing of that offense?
Because I believe that parenting is made of these seemingly small moments. The moments when we choose to either turn away, or face the issue. The moments when we decide what is important to teach. The moments when we look at the big picture, and know that a small thing affects that picture. The moments when we see our choices in light of eternity. The moments when we feel the nudgings from the Lord.
That is why I reposted To Young Moms earlier this week. That is why I share this story. Because this not-so-young-anymore mom is still learning, and still needs to heed His nudgings. There is still important work to do.
This was a great post, packed with wonderful wisdom. All soo true. I have found it to be true even in the grandmother role. My teenaged grandchildren, because they are soo comfortable with me I guess, will discuss their parents (as ALL teenagers do I am sure) with less then respectful attitudes. I really really don't like correcting them or sticking my nose in so to speak. But I feel at times I must, and I do. They always seem to listen. My kids LOVE that I do as they feel teaching etc. should come from the grand parents as well. I do too, but I really like the role when it's more for just the blessings and the fun. lol Have a good week-end!
ReplyDeleteYes, this was and is a very good post and the also wonderful thing is that it works on many levels. My daughter is a supervisor. She has to address the respect issue from time to time even though she is not the parent in those situations, but such concepts are taught in business. Respect...it's a good thing...across the board. I am glad that Bekah was open to correction...being teachable is so important. And I don't imagine that it is an issue that has been ongoing because that daughter of yours is so sweet.
ReplyDeleteThose small issues can add up to large ones. I truly believe we teach our children how to treat us and others. Whether it's good or bad. Yes, listening to the whisper of our Father will guide us along the way. Wonderful post, Cheryl. ♥
ReplyDeleteYes, a very good thing to address and to share. Never a good idea to ignore those nudgings from the Lord.
ReplyDeleteSuch a demonstration of a tender, understanding mom teaching her beloved child. A great post.
ReplyDeleteRespect seems to be losing ground with people today. I bet she remembers this lesson you spoke to her so gently about. It's so important not to let little things slide, as you've said so well.
ReplyDeleteEvery action, every choice brings us closer to heaven or closer to hell. Paraphrasing something C.S. Lewis once said. The small issues often shape the path we end up taking. A lovely post on an important matter of the heart and home.
ReplyDeleteWishing you beauty and grace for your day...
Brenda
xox