Ten Years Later

This morning I am quiet, sober, reflective...and my heart is full of praise.

Ten years ago today, I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance after suffering a grand mal seizure, following several weeks of mysterious neurological symptoms.

Most of the time, I don't even like to think about those weeks, as they were so troubling. It was like my brain was short-circuited. I'd try to say something, and before I could finish my sentence, I would not know how to complete the thought. I couldn't remember words. I couldn't look up my friend's phone number because I couldn't find the H's. My daughter had taken me to the ER during this time, and I couldn't even answer the simple admittance questions, like my birth date or my home address. My right hand had a tremor.

Then I had the seizure, and woke up two days later in ICU, not knowing where I was and how I had come there.

I don't intend to tell the whole story, as it is also painful to remember. It is enough to say that the ensuing days were filled with tortured thoughts and hallucinations, mostly brought on by the medication with which I was being treated.

But the end of the story is cause for rejoicing. Lots of good came out of that painful time.

• I eventually returned to normal health. Before I regained consciousness, my family had been told that there was a possibility of permanent neurological damage, but I experienced literally no long term effects. In many of the dark moments during my hospital stay, I asked the Lord to restore me to health so that I could raise my young daughter. My illness was never definitively diagnosed, but as I was weaned from my medications over a period of about a year, the symptoms did not return...and ten years later, I remain symptom free.
  
  
• I was bathed in the love of my family. From the night that Ron rose from sleep to come to the hospital and calm me...to the nights that my mom slept in a hospital chair to offer a calming presence...to the countless things that my daughter did to make her little sister's life as undisturbed as possible.
  
  
• I experienced the love and care of friends in amazing ways. "Acquaintances" would not have done for me and my family what my brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ did...prayers, meals, words of encouragement, babysitting for my six-year-old, yard care, generous financial gifts, chauffeuring services during those many months when I was not able to drive.
  
  
• Shortly after my illness, I became pregnant with our youngest child. We named her Rebekah Hope, for I felt that she was a symbol of the hope that was given back to me.
  
  

As I reflect today, I am grateful for His mercy.
This life is a vapor. It is tenuous. There are no promises of tomorrow.

But I am thankful for His plan, for His mercy, for His grace.

O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139: 1, 14-16)