It was late morning and I wanted to know of Bekah's progress through her independent work so that I could plan our next steps.
"Bekah, are you still working on your math?," I queried.
"Shh!," was her sharp response.
The tone seemed disrespectful. But I silently began to reason. She was working hard on a math problem. It was frustrating to be interrupted. I can appreciate the frustration of interrupted thought. It was just her first response. Surely she didn't mean to be disrespectful. It is such a small thing.
Then I felt the Lord's nudging, that this attitude needed to be corrected.
My thoughts turned. I want her to do what is right. It is "right" to honor parents. I don't want to turn my head and look away. It is better to correct an attitude before it has a chance to become a habit. It is my responsibility as a parent to train in righteousness, to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Do I want my Heavenly Father to correct me when I am wrong, for the good of my eternal soul? Do I want the same for Bekah?
I let Bekah finish her math lesson. Then I asked for her attention, and had her look me in the eyes. And I (gently, I hope) explained the idea of honor, that parents are not just "friends" and that I expect a respectful tone whenever she speaks to me or to her father. The whole exchange took less than a minute. No punishment was meted out, but there were tears in her eyes as she listened. I think that she understood, and I believe that she will think before she reacts in a dishonoring way in the future.
Why do I tell you all this? This story of a seemingly small offense, and the seemingly small addressing of that offense?
Because I believe that parenting is made of these seemingly small moments. The moments when we choose to either turn away, or face the issue. The moments when we decide what is important to teach. The moments when we look at the big picture, and know that a small thing affects that picture. The moments when we see our choices in light of eternity. The moments when we feel the nudgings from the Lord.
My thoughts turned. I want her to do what is right. It is "right" to honor parents. I don't want to turn my head and look away. It is better to correct an attitude before it has a chance to become a habit. It is my responsibility as a parent to train in righteousness, to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Do I want my Heavenly Father to correct me when I am wrong, for the good of my eternal soul? Do I want the same for Bekah?
I let Bekah finish her math lesson. Then I asked for her attention, and had her look me in the eyes. And I (gently, I hope) explained the idea of honor, that parents are not just "friends" and that I expect a respectful tone whenever she speaks to me or to her father. The whole exchange took less than a minute. No punishment was meted out, but there were tears in her eyes as she listened. I think that she understood, and I believe that she will think before she reacts in a dishonoring way in the future.
Why do I tell you all this? This story of a seemingly small offense, and the seemingly small addressing of that offense?
Because I believe that parenting is made of these seemingly small moments. The moments when we choose to either turn away, or face the issue. The moments when we decide what is important to teach. The moments when we look at the big picture, and know that a small thing affects that picture. The moments when we see our choices in light of eternity. The moments when we feel the nudgings from the Lord.
That is why I reposted To Young Moms earlier this week. That is why I share this story. Because this not-so-young-anymore mom is still learning, and still needs to heed His nudgings. There is still important work to do.
Cheryl, I don't even have the words to express what I am feeling after reading this. WHAT an important truth you have shown us here. WHAT a difference we would see in the world if every nudging was so honored. Thank you, truly, for sharing this seemingly small incident, which is not "small" in the slightest. I'm also very moved by the fact that Bekah listened to you with tears. THAT says a lot.
ReplyDeletePaying attention to that "inner nudging" is the key here, Cheryl. And I've found that the more we honor the Author of those inner nudgings, the more we seem to recognize and receive! Bekah is blessed and one day WILL indeed rise up and call YOU "blessed"!
ReplyDeleteDon't become weary in well-doing :)
Thank you for sharing that. You're right. How easy it is for me to want to justify their behavior/attitudes because most of the time they are "good." What a good reminder that we need to do what is right for their benefit, as well as ours.
ReplyDeleteDeanna