As the name of my blog indicates, I spend a lot of time thinking about home. Of course, my Heavenly Home is the one that is eternal, so that’s where I need to lay up my treasures, and that’s the one I’m striving for. But in the meantime, I have been given this tiny piece of the here-and-now—this home on the edge of town, this family, this neighborhood—in which to serve Him. And, though this is in the earthly realm, I want the things that happen here to be investments in the Heavenly realm.




Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Wednesdays With My Mother-in-Law


Wednesdays are going to feel very different for a while.

My mother-in-law passed away last week at the age of 92. As I have said to so many people who have lost loved ones, I don't think we're ever "ready" to say goodbye to one we love. 











Mom had enjoyed remarkably good health in her lifetime, up until last fall when her heart began to fail. We were blessed to have nearly six more months with her. 

I will treasure the days that I was able to spend with Mom during the last months of her life. 

That time was a gift. 

Oh yes, I know it was a gift to Mom to be well cared for by her eight children and their spouses, enabling her to remain in her home until the end. But that time was also a gift to us!

There is just something about knowing that time is short . . .



Wednesdays became my day to spend with her. And along with simple things like giving her meds, preparing lunch, doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor, there was plenty of time to talk.

I learned so much! 

We talked some about her own childhood, about her father who was a small farmer and her mother who worked outside the home to make ends meet. She told me about her older brother and her younger sister and some of their adventures around the farm. She told me how she started preparing meals for her family when she was only nine or ten years old. She would come home from school and her father would kill a chicken, they'd clean it and dress it, and she would cook it for their supper. When her mother had another baby, she quit school to care for her baby sister. 




One Wednesday that I was sitting with my mother-in-law, I happened to look over at her china closet while we were eating lunch and I noticed the cake topper from their 50th wedding anniversary. My mind went back to the celebration of their fifty years and I said to her, "Mom, that doesn't seem like that long ago!" She agreed, and as we continued to talk, we realized that that very day was the date of their anniversary, and that they were married exactly 75 years ago that day! 

She did a little reminiscing about the day they married . . . how they had gotten married in the afternoon, then went to Dad's sister's house for dinner, and then went to a movie. I asked her if she remembered anything that they ate at Irene's house. She said couldn't remember everything, but she remembers having macaroni and cheese. Well, guess what I had brought her for lunch that day (even though I usually brought some kind of soup)?! Yes, macaroni and cheese! So we had a little anniversary celebration there that day!


She then went back even further to that first day that she saw her future husband. She was 13 or 14 years old and he walked through her house with a friend (they were looking for another friend) and she took notice of him. "I liked the way he looked!," she said.

Indeed she did! And a few years after that, he took notice of her and the rest is history!



She told me about decisions they had made. Mom wanted to be at home with her children, and Dad wanted that too. But money was tight and one day she had applied for a job in a school cafeteria. When Dad learned about it, he told her that she didn't need to do that, and he decided that they would move to the country and buy a small farm so that she would raise chickens commercially for income.






She talked the most about her children. As we sat in the family room, she'd look up at the large photo of herself with her eight children taken a few years ago and she would tell me about each one . . . when they came to see her each week, what they did, what their talents and accomplishments were, stories from their childhoods. Mom was so proud of her large family and she'd say, "Not everyone has a nice family like I have," and "They've all been so good to me." 





I was relieved when Mom told me (several times) that she liked our new house and that she understood why we had moved away from The Farmhouse (which adjoined family property and was just down the road from her). I suppose we always desire our parents' approval, no matter our age. (And I considered my mother-in-law my parent too. I had promised Ron on our wedding day, "Your people will be my people, and your God, my God." ~ Ruth 1:16)




Some Wednesdays, the time would fly by. On some, the hours would pass slowly. But the time was always well spent. Looking at photos on my phone. Rubbing medicated lotion on the rash on her back while she oohed and aahed about how good it felt. Sharing a Bible verse. Talking about the many cards she received those last months. (Oh, how she loved those cards!) Commiserating with her when she did not feel well. Tucking the covers around her when she lay down for a nap.



My mother-in-law had a Leap Day birthday. She had requested that her eight children and their spouses come and have dinner at her house, using some of the food in her pantry and freezer. We gathered, per her request, but she was too weak to get out of bed that evening, so we all gathered in her room before the meal. She asked the blessing on the food and as she prayed she said, "Oh God, you've been good to me." We sang Happy Birthday to her, then we sang a few songs together, and when we sang "God Is So Good," she sang along. What a precious memory!

In less than 36 hours, she gently passed on into eternity. 



I am so grateful that we had the gift of time . . . time to talk, time to care, time to give, time to love. 

No, Wednesdays will not be the same now. 

But I am the richer for those I spent with my mother-in-law. 


36 comments:

  1. Cheryl, what a very touching post. You were so blessed to have those times with your mother before she passed away. She sounds an amzing person.

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    1. Barbara, I do feel so very blessed . . . and, yes, she was an amazing woman!

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  2. What a beautiful and poignant post Cheryl. Such sweet times to treasure with your mother-in-law before she moved into glory. May the God of all comfort be very present in your hearts just now.

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    1. Thank you, Lorrie, for your blessing and your kind words! I am grateful.

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  3. A wonderful tribute to your mother in law. What beautiful memories you made and so good that you had time to ask questions that you can now pass on to your children in stories ... So precious to be with one who is ready to pass into Glory!

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    1. Dotsie, it is a sacred time, those last days/weeks/months with one who is going home. I am so grateful for that time to hear her heart! Thank you for your kind words!

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  4. Oh my goodness, Cheryl. What a blessing this post was to read! And how she was so blessed to have eight children who all survived to adulthood. And your time with her, a blessing to both you and her. Thank you for this beautiful tribute to your mother in law.

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    1. Thank you so much, Judy! You are right: She was blessed . . . and so were we!

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  5. Such precious memories! How lovely that all her family looked after her until the end. Of course you will all miss her very much, but what a comfort to know she is in the presence of Jesus.

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    1. Marie, Mom very much wanted to remain in her home and we are grateful that it was possible for her to do so. Thank you so much for your comforting words!

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  6. What a wonderful tribute to your mother in law! How nice to be able to still have all of the family close by to help care for her. Kindness sure helps out in situations like that. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you, Melissa! Everyone pulled together to help Mom in her last months of life and there was much kindness and grace!

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  7. What a beautiful tribute to your very special mother in law. She sounds a lovely lady. Thank you for sharing her with us today. We are so very sorry for loss of her presence in your daily lives. Sending a loving hug your way, Cheryl.

    Brenda xox

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    1. Brenda, your words are so kind. She truly was a special lady whose life was marked by hard work and sacrifice. Thank you for that hug!

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  8. Oh what precious times you were able to share. How wonderful that her mind was sharp to the end. Beautiful tribute. May God continue to comfort you and all of hers with these good memories of her. Hugs...

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    1. It was precious time, and yes, such a blessing that her mind remained keen! Thank you for your kind words . . . and hugs!

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  9. Beautiful! I know you’ll all miss her. But what a legacy of love she provided for her family!

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    1. Thank you so much, Deanna! We will certainly miss her, but, as you say, we'll continue to benefit from their legacy!

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  10. Such a beautiful post, Cheryl. I am sorry for the family’s loss for you are right...we never get over having to say goodbye...for now. Such times you shared and all those beautiful memories. I saw quite a few family resemblances...Kati looks a lot like her grandmother when her grandmother was a young woman. Do you suppose it is true that men always look for a wife whom they recognize?

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    1. I love that "for now" because what a grand and glorious hope that is! In the meantime, I am blessed to have those memories.

      I definitely see glimpses of Kati in her grandmother. I'm not sure about the answer to that question. Although Ron's mom and I were quite different in some aspects, in others we were definitely kindreds . . . so perhaps . . .

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  11. What a beautiful tribute to your mother-in-law. I smiled as I read about her life and teared up as I imagined those precious, holy last hours with her. What love on all those faces. What a gift you all gave each other. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm inspired by what you've shared with us.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Becki! I shared what I did partly because it is what is on my heart and in my thoughts . . . but also in hopes that it would inspire others to run the race well. So thank you for letting me know that it touched your heart!

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  12. I know you will miss those special days with her, but how wonderful that you made so many great memories with her. Those last few days when a loved one is transitioning on to Glory are so special, even though they are sad. She lived life well.

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    1. Exactly, Mandy! Those days are both special and sad. I would not have wanted to miss them, in spite of the sadness. Thank you for your sweet comment.

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  13. What a beautiful post/tribute about your dear mother-in-law. God's continued blessings on you all at this time. ~ Love, hugs & prayer ~ FlowerLady

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    1. Thank you so much, Lorraine! Loss is never easy (you know that very well), but He is "the God of all comfort."

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  14. Oh my,tears are flowing.This is simply beautiful,and so pleasing to God.What an honor to care for this beautiful woman of God.What a blessing you must have been to her.Thank you for sharing this.Love,Dawn E Brown

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    1. Yes, it was an honor, Dawn! Thank you for your kind and comforting words!

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  15. Beautiful. Your mother in law was so blessed to be able to stay in her home and have her family take care of her, and I can tell you were blessed by her also. Sorry for your loss, but heaven's gain!

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    1. Thank you, Joy! We are grateful for God's mercy!

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  16. What a wonderful tribute to your mother-in-law. You were both blessed to have each other. Yes, your words brought tears but also the desire that kind of MIL to my two special in-law kids! Thanks!

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    1. Thank you for sharing that with me! And yes, we were blessed to know His grace in our relationship!

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  17. Your Mother-In-Law was soooooo LOVED!!! And to be able to stay in her own home until she went to Heaven, what a blessing.
    Anyone who reads this post will not have a dry eye!

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    1. Indeed, she was loved! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  18. What a beautiful post in remembrance of your dear MIL. I read this post last week, commented and just realized I'd somehow lost it or it didn't post. Your Kati sure bears a strong resemblance to her! I know your family will miss her dearly but heaven surely must be a sweeter place now that she's there. Hugs to you and may your family stay safe and healthy!

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    1. Thank you for coming back to comment (again), Debby! It is comforting to hear kind words. Yes, Kati does bear her grandmother's mark, doesn't she?

      We are relying on His daily grace during these challenging days! I wish the same for you and yours!

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